The Heat is ON...

So this weekend the AC decided to poop out on us right as we were entertaining friends after an afternoon of daytime drinking in a sweltering brewery.

Don't get me wrong, Hops & Grain is AWESOME, and I loved going on the tour and resisting the urge to hug all the barrels of beer aging away.

I did not love the couple standing next to me fondling each other in the 98 degree heat. A seedy airport romance novel was unfolding before my eyes. They must have been dating for two weeks tops, so the whole "let's be close even though we're incredibly uncomfortable" phase is not over. When they weren't making out a foot away from my face (UGH), he was was holding her hand stroking the space between her knuckles rhythmically (YES, REALLY). I'm sure they went home after that and watched a documentary on building toll roads while eating kale chips, but I digress.

BACK HOME:

We decide the drinking must continue, so we come home to make Sangria to go with the Italian meats and cheeses and caprese salad. Come to Todd stretched out like a bathmat on the floor, panting. It was not terribly hot yet, but he is super dramatic:

"I'm so hot, I can't do anything, please feed me ice by hand."

So Matt did his man-stuff and got someone out here while I played hostess and got some excellent board game-age and boozin' on with the friends. The repair guy walked in and immediately judged us. (Why? It was SATURDAY! We judge YOU for working on a day meant for rest. But also THANK YOU and please fix it.) Alas, his estimate was more than the HVAC was worth so we went through insurance and had to tough it out til Monday. Many cold showers, sleeping with fans at every direction, and wet towels as blankets. We survived. And I inexplicably decided Sunday was the ideal time to paint the master bedroom ( MY BRAIN HURTS ME SOMETIMES).

Here are the before and afters:

 

The Blue is Egyptian Pyramid from Valspar

The Warm Grey is Stone Manor for Valspar

Todd is pretty sure this photo shoot is about him.

The room is now cozier, still looks large, but stays cooler and is more nap-appropriate. I've wanted ink blue walls for a long time, Matt was hesitant, so here is the compromise. Our marriage is now fully represented on the walls. Up next: Staining the deck! Stay tuned, gentle readers....

Workin' Lady

So this post is about my new job, but don't get too too excited folks.  I signed a contract saying I wouldn't mention the name of my company on any form of social media, including Linked In (Really? But it's an online resume...)

I got a job as a chef at a private school less than a mile from my house that has students age 6 months to age 12. "Oh Jamie, that's really specific information, I can totally figure out the name of your employer from just that." says you. "Nope" says I, in a pirate-y voice, for unknown reasons. There are FIVE schools just like it within a one mile radius of my house. TEXAS.

So more about the position..."Chef, you say? Last time I checked, chef is not a marketing position". TRUTH. Chef is not a marketing job, but I do love cooking and kiddos. "School chef? Isn't that like a glorified title that is really just a Lunch Lady?" (You are really being a jerk today, not-so-gentle reader)

Is this how you see me, jerk reader?

Well I'll have you know it is not just a lunch lady position. It is also part admin, part floater teacher. And I leave at 1:30pm. Aaaaand the actual title on my paperwork is "Culinary Wizard", SO THERE.

Yes I am, Hagrid.

So yeah, it gets me out of the house, hours I like, I could walk there if I chose to ( I won't. Maybe I'll get a bike though.), and I can be creative in the kitchen with adorable nuggets (I know, I know, don't cook the babies). Plus I'll probably eat healthier since everything I create has to be super healthy while not having any ingredients that cause allergic reactions or diabetes( Sooooo...everything).Enjoy your Flavored Air, children. Should be interesting.  WISH ME LUCK, READERS!

Rock the Vote

Hey Guys!

The extremely talented hubs entered a shirt design contest for Austin City Limits Music Festival with this fantastic piece that screams Texas:

There are many things in the air that draw us to ACL : 

Maybe it's the electricity from the bands, the adrenaline from the crowd, 

or perhaps it's the blood loss from the mosquitos. 

Whatever the reason, music is Austin's blood and ACL is a rush.

Guess who helped write the description? Anywho.....there are 5 days to vote, so please do! The link to vote is at the end of this post, and yes, you do need facebook and/or twitter to vote. Should he win this design could be on THOUSANDS of sweaty backs, giving us some great exposure in a new city.

 Also we'd win VIP passes that we may or may not scalp to pay our mortgage. :)

Here's the link!

Vote for "Music is in Our Blood" by Matt Brown

Thanks, gentle readers!

Wait....Ghost Cat is NOT the sequel to Ghost Dad??? Curse you, Netflix!!!

Hello gentle readers,

For those of you who don't know (meaning you have never met me) Matt and I have a great affinity for terrible movies of all genres.

Best use of green frosting I have ever seen.

Spoiler Alert: This blog's title is from the movie. That is how important it is in my life.

We cannot recommend these two gems enough (2 drink minimums are suggested).

Cliche-writing, giant plot holes, continuity that defies time and space- we can't get enough of it. So when we gained access to Netflix Instant Watch on our smart tv, we got super excited for the treasure trove of D Movies. 

So last night, looking to be entertained in a non-cooking show forum, Matt, Marie, and I embarked on choosing THE WORST option that still had a recognizable celebrity in it ( Sam had school work...nerd.).  Ghost Cat, starring Ellen Page (of Juno fame), was the unanimous winner.

Also written by a stripper.

With fond memories of Bill Cosby's Ghost Dad at the front of our minds, we watched. 

Alas, Ghost Cat was rarely on screen, and never talked about Jello Pudding Pops or demon worshipping cab drivers (<----ACTUAL CHARACTER IN GHOST DAD). But Sam did pop to inspire us with singing other movie themes and substituting all the words with "Ghost Cat". Ghostbusters, Jurassic Park, Star Wars, no iconic theme was spared.  

In the end Ghost Cat scored people $50k (come to my house next!), saved animals from suffocation of fumes,saved humans and animals from fire, and caused the bad guys to crash their car and get caught. Oh and it knocked over a bunch of stuff, walked on people's faces, put paw prints all over the floor and other normal cat shenanigans. Even in death these things are a NUISANCE. How can a cat be a ghost? Cats have no souls!!!

Bill Cosby, please make Ghost Grandpa ASAP.

UPDATE: Just found out about Ghost Shark. MUST SEE.

Attack of the Drunk Clones?

So while perusing Pinterest for new craft beers to try I came across this photo of who appeared to be a family member, so I sent her the pic and here's the conversation:

Everything in Face Off is TRUE.

Me: Uhh did I just find a pic of you on Pinterest?

Her: That's eerie how similar that girl looks to me.

Me: I'm freakin' out, man.

Her: I even thought it was me, I wasn't quite sure of who the other two are but I feel as though that girl is me.... Weird.

Me: Doppelgangers are REAL....now I'm questioning the Santa myth.

Her: Hahahahaha at this point I think we should... Protect yourself Jamie and those you love.. The doppelgängers are coming.

Me: But more importantly...is my doppelganger skinnier than me?

Her: Oh... A curious question.

Me: Like I needed MORE pressure to lose weight...now I have to worry about skinny doppelganger me walking around all confident.

Her: Eff those skinny confident doppelgängers making us originals question ourselves.

Me: Shut it "Size 0".

Be Nice or I'll Deck Ya

When we bought this house, like any responsible home buyers, we had it inspected. One concern was the old looking deck:

Oh Hai, extensive lattice work!

The inspector said the deck was solid, that if we sanded and sealed the deck it would "last 100 years". LIES. Turns out only the frame was okay, so what started as 1 day easy project turned into a 7 day decktravaganza. Luckily John is the BEST handyman in Austin and only billed us for 3 days and even made sure to play with Todd so he wouldn't bark his head off all damn day.

There's that "okay" frame.

What's worse is that oh so reliable inspector only guarantees his report for 10 days ( really helpful when escrow is 30 days), and basically told us to sit on it. Charming. But I digress. We did some of the demo ourselves and had John save any goodish wood for art projects (reclaimed wood wall in the master bedroom, here we come!). 

The wallet took a beating, but the results are completely worth it:

Also painted the heinous pink header to give this 80's mama the slightest of eyebrow lifts. House painting got put off for the more functional deck project.

Super modern mesh to keep critters out, plus open industrial stainless steel railings.

And the stairs no longer bounce!

Will post more pics when it's stained in a few weeks!

Naaaaature....Goulet.

This seems to be the week  where living on a green belt subtly creeps into my house and bites me in the ass. Here are some the new friends and enemies shacking up in my house that I met this week.

Roger, who mistakenly flipped my running shoe into his 3 bedroom condo with a garage view.  He met the business end of a broom because I PANICKED.

Simon, who squared off with Todd in the living room before I ushered him onto a plastic placemat and dumped him in the garbage disposal...NOBODY THREATENS TODD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!

Floyd, who performed a scene from Alien (or some sort of insect burlesque act) on our front door. He was spared, because the world needs great actors like this!

Newton, who enjoys the new deck as much as we do. Also spared, for mosquito eating purposes.

Freddie, who ditched the deck in favor of the A/C in the living room. Safely relocated to the greenbelt.

So there you have it....creepy crawlies beware. There is a 40% chance I will kill you either in a heated panic or calculated dismemberment. So please, just stay in the yard and eat the mosquitos.

The Calm Before the Awesome

So as we speak ( or rather: I type and you later read), our best "friends who are a couple" ( trying not to hurt feelings of single friends here) are on their way from San Diego to come live with us in Austin!

These fools.

Adding two more beings of pure awesome to this house is an exciting but also daunting process. In the few days I have before their arrival, I am attempting enjoy the calm before Samnado and Mariestrom (Maelstrom, look it up) turn this house into a hippie commune. How, you ask?

a) Snuggles with Todd

He is the Precious to my Golem

b) Sipping my breakfast smoothie on the new deck in the morning quiet before it gets too damn hot (TEXAS!)

We gon' need more chairs, craigslist.

c) Re-watching The Hills before they come so I don't get made fun of when it's in the queue. 

Don't judge me while I judge these dummies!

In the weeks leading up to now I've been prepping their room and bathroom, which when we arrived looked like this:

Sorry 'bout it....





But now it looks like this:

Oh hey, adult appropriate rooms! Is that a chalkboard wall? Yes it is. Will our friends draw sexual organs on it instead of nice things? You bet.

So yeah we did that, plus clean out every spare inch of cabinetry and closet space we could find for them. The certification in organization really came in handy here as all the luggage, linens, first aid, guest bath supplies etc had to fit in our master closet with all our clothes and shoes. Good thing that thing is a corridor to Narnia...

The lamppost is behind the purses.

Now all there is left to do is carefully plan what happens when they walk through the door (Other than Todd peeing with glee even though just we JUST took him out).  Inflatable dinosaurs? Matthew McConaughey naked playing bongos? 70's style strippers? How would YOU welcome them? (this is the part where you comment)

Oh Hai Mark! ( Or whatever your name actually is...)

First entries are always awkward aren't they?

How do I convey what's in my head without: a) overwhelming you with personality or b) boring you to tears or c) inspiring you to stalk, kidnap, and ultimately diaper me because I'm  yours for all eternity?

Just to be clear...I'm married and have family and friends who WILL look for me if I am missing, but probably WON'T pony up a decent ransom, so it's really not worth your time. I appreciate the thought though. It's sweet.


Aside from my friends who I will force to read this, my family who will Google Stalk to find this (hi mom!), and my enemies ( Do I have these? Can you leave a comment so I know who you are? Are we mortal enemies? Should I get dueling swords? Where can you buy those?) who will super analyze this.....none of you know anything about me! Here's some of that:

I'm from San Diego which used to be the meth capital of the U.S., then I went to college in Redlands which is in San Bernadino County- currently meth capital of the U.S., moved back to SD with my love for a bit, now live in Austin- no meth yet, but here's hoping (this meth theme comes with me just having caught up on the last season of Breaking Bad before it comes back Sunday...little bit obsessed.)

My husband is an artist. He is a Senior Art Director for an ad firm, and a freelance graphic designer. And no, he won't watch Mad Men so don't ask him if his life is like that. He doesn't know.

I am at home with puppy, Todd, who's antics will frequent this board no doubt. What do I at home, you ask? Mostly apply for marketing jobs, but only the dream ones, because I didn't move to Austin to settle. Other activities include cooking, trolling craigslist for free furniture to upcycle, working on renovating/updating our "new" house from 1986, and generally working on my southern charm ( Do you find me charming yet?).


So blogs should have a point.purpose.direction.reasonforbeing, yes? This one will cover......(BIG BREATH)........homeprojects.badmovies.interviewfollies.recipes.personalmusings.partythings.beer.toddthepuppy.learningtobetexan.nothingterriblydepressing.......(WHEW).

Do you want it to be about other things? It could be about other things....but also these things. Who knows? That's the beauty of a first entry I suppose.

So was it awkward enough for you? (FULL CIRCLE, see what I did there?)