Deck the Walls

You read about it for several posts; the fabled reclaimed wood wall in the master bedroom, and you thought " yeah right, a lofty pinterest project she'll never get to". Well, IN YOUR FACE, doubtful readers! I present to you the fruits of so much labor......

Most people do it behind the headboard, but then I would never  get to look at it!

These are the sort of projects that older generations look at and go:
"Well that's....interesting." or "Very...creative." or "That's....a design choice....."

Oh yeah, we made the cheap-o mirror part of the design and now it looks AWESOME.

All the rusty hardware is also original to the deck

Made entirely from the old deck, some pallets, and a wine box from the side of the road. We are so green, this totally justifies the AC bill from this summer, right? Somewhere an endangered owl is tilting his head at me like this:

Are you being serious right now, Jamie? No, endangered owls, not really.

So now the walls of the master bedroom are completely done, taking it from a cold and stark space to a cozy haven for us and pup.

And the giant wood pile in the back yard is gone! More space for Todd run around and less space for lizards and opossums to nest. With the little bit left over we made a table top for a table base I picked up off free craigslist.

Before

After
( Black chair and side table are also from free craigslist)

We put the rest out on the curb where a lovely man with a trailer came and took the lot to be used yet again!

Gracias, guy who reads free craigslist like it's his job!

And yes, readers, I wrote this on my very flat laptop. I now have a system of using pillows to prop up the screen while simultaneously bending my knees a certain way. Ahhhhhh...when's Christmas? Is Santa real? Can elves make a Mac?

Off to write some letters to the North Pole, readers....byeeee.

Austin, We Have a Problem

Readers, prepare to feel a combination of laughter and pity, for this is what my current blog entry and entries for the forseeable future will be composed on.....

BEHOLD! The world's biggest iPad. 

Many moons ago (February), this computer decided it would no longer close properly. So I kept it open and tried to reinforce it with duct tape. And here we are in November, the adhesives have finally dried out and cried surrender to the sheer weight of the 17" screen. Like watching the elastic on your favorite yoga pants give way 20 lbs after you bought them, making them forever "all-you-can-eat-ice-cream buffet-but-the-buffet-is-actually-just-10-pints-of-hagen-daz-on-your-coffee-table-pants".  

This is what you are like, computer.

So, readers, enjoy your upright laptops. Cherish them. Love them like children. And buy some new yoga pants. 

Peter Piper Paved a Patio

So while Matt and Sam spent like a hundred hours and hundreds of dollars and hundreds of curse words on horse shoe pits seen in the previous post (scroll down, forgetful readers), I also made a contribution to an under (never) used area of the backyard which is right beneath the dining room window. I (as usual) do not have a before photo, but picture old muddy mulch where the landscaping fabric is in this photo:

Useless, ugly space.

The area becomes a mini pool after just a few minutes of rain, and takes forever to dry out because it is heavily shaded by the oak trees. The previous owners appeared to just keep shoveling mulch onto it year after year, with no barrier to keep the dirt separate from the mulch.

I took landscape fabric that I bought at the Holla Fo' a Dolla store (it's a Dollar General store, but if I owned a dollar store, that would be the name. No regrets.) for .....you guessed it: $1.00 a roll. Super score compared to Lowe's or Home Depot who charge $12-$18 per roll. IT'S THE EXACT SAME THING, GUYS. I did buy a box of the staples that hold it in place at Lowe's, though. That took maybe 10-15minutes to lay down after clearing the old mulch ( which I did with my arms and legs since Matt and Sam had all the tools for the horse shoe pits....I looked like a frog swimming in disgusting swamp water).

Next I put down my "table" which is actually and industrial sized wooden spool I found on Craiglist for free. It was a pain in the buns to cart over to the house, but I knew it would be worth it.

I am FREEEEEEEE......

I also found these chairs on the side of the road:

You win the "Uggo" Contest, friend.

 So I refinished all the seats and left the legs and the back(of the two that still had backs) with their weathered look.

Next it was time for edging, which Matt and Sam did once the horseshoe pits were done, and then 30 or so bags of pea gravel later here we are:

The pavers were at the house stacked near the bbq pad when we arrived, so also free. The will be stained someday for contrast.

I oiled the spool to bring out the rustic charm. Can't get over how well it came out!

 So there you have it; a walkway from our fabulous deck over to a patio dining area from scratch and all for under $200. All there is left to do is plant something colorful in the pallet hung over the fence in the back and get some sort of lighting for that area...maybe market lights, but for now the lights from the breakfast nook and dining room give it a nice ambient glow. And should we have bags of money lying around someday and want to upgrade the material to some sort of paver, the gravel can just be compacted down as a drainage layer, so it will never be a wasted material.

Whole project took maybe 3 hours spread out over a few days since there were extra trips to Lowe's and we were hopping back and forth from this to the horseshoe project.

If you don't have this amount of space to work with for a patio, or don't have the love/hate relationship with being a home owner, here is a link to a smaller scale patio makeover that The Vintage Project did. :)

Off to make a reclaimed wood wall/ drink a beer on my new patio and stare at the wood pile that will become a reclaimed wood wall.....

Horse Play

The past two weekends Matt has been working on his beloved horseshoe pits; which in his words would be " a cheap, EASY project that will add value to the house". Famous last words. Also an excuse to buy a saw.

There was a lot of sweaty male labor, cursing, multiple trips to Home Depot, and of course, beers.

 

We're gonna need more sand....and beer....

That is one deep hole.

Men building things.
We used the wood from the old deck.
Matt wants you readers to know how industrious and green we are.
Tell Matt you are super proud of him, readers.

You know some people just stick a stake in the ground and toss horse shoes around it? But but here at Casa de Oh Hai, Austin!, we are all about doing things the "right way"...."right" meaning most complicated and permanent way. So when it was discovered that the holes were dug too deep, I humbly suggested that we use the large pile of limestone rocks in the yard that was here when we bought it and has no purpose besides mansion to the greenbelt's richest insects (Floyd, I'm looking at YOU). I was promptly shut down, how dare I suggest a short cut when we are doing everything the "right way". Okay. But you will need more sand. Fast forward to the next weekend when more sand is being poured in and it is STILL not enough, and then there I am taking buckets of sand OUT of the pits in order to fill the bottom with limestone rocks. What a genius, moneysaving idea! Too bad someone didn't think of it when the pits were empty- oh wait. Good workout, anyway. Here's Matt's stunning pits all finished. No one will say or write that sentence again.

The stake is removable so we can also play washers.
Also so small children (or drunk adults) don't impale themselves chasing Todd around the yard.

The yard is coming together, y'all! Up next: building a patio and walkway. (Project is done, just need to write about it.)

Where Have You Gone, Jamie DiMaggio?

Apologies for the several week hiatus I took from the blog, readers; I know you have been just beside yourselves waiting for a new post.

Yeah, right, says this knowing corgi.

Truth be told, I have been doing a ton of stuff and just haven't felt any of it inspired a witty outpouring onto the keyboard. My mind grapes have gone prune-y, my brain curds are more like brain turds. I partially blame my friend who recently wrote a novel and sent it to me for feedback. All my editorial power is being channeled into his project, leaving none for myself. How dare I help others, says no one. See, I knew you'd understand, fair and wise reader. One reader did flatter me today by sending me this in a facebook message:

http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/tumblr_inline_msez7jawqp1qd0k7a.gif

with the caption "pretend this says more blog posts please". Thanks, lady, you make me feel special....and desired. Feel free to hit me up on Valentine's day....or anytime I have a good interview and then they tell me I am their 2nd choice.

So what did I do other than give notes on the first draft of a novel which features almost everyone I went to high school with, but no mention of anyone remotely like me (he knows this upsets me, and may or may not appease my vanity in a future draft)? Lots of home projects....

Like this update to the front door:

Before: Cheap, and not well painted.

 

After: More expensive looking and the design stands out now. 

And from the outside it ties in with the newly painted light and doorbell....thingy,which used to be pink. GROSS. Looking at the photo now, I think staining or covering the concrete walkway somehow will make it even more inviting.

And a $10 side table/cabinet from Goodwill:

I am terrible at proper "before" pics. 

Way cuter!

And this free side table from the side of the road in my neighborhood:

Again, terrible about "before" photos. Brass hardware on the drawer at the bottom.

I get the feeling The Vintage Project would LOVE this. Am I correct, M.?

I love how it turned out, though this house is turning out in more of a muted palette, so I may sell it.  The turquoise was in the garage when we moved in so that was free too. But it's it the office for now, and would be cute for a girl's nursery maybe for someone.

I did more than this, but will put those in a separate post, just as so-so entertaining as this one. 

Until then, PUT ME IN YOUR NOVEL, FRIEND WHO WROTE A NOVEL. 

Down the Rabbit Hole of Google/Brooke's Brain (Spoiler Alert: Both are Scary)

I should preface this post with the explanation of my friendship with Brooke. Do you have 14 hours? No? Okay.

This pretty much explains it.

 She convinced me to start this blog because spending 2+ hours on the phone with me at a time is just not enough, or for my own good, depending on which of us you ask (Don't ask her, she's wrong...and obsessed with me).  We talk in non-sensical circles, that usually lead to in depth discussions of M&M's (Don't judge, readers, there is SO MUCH to talk about regarding M&M's).
So that is us in the tiniest of nutshells. Onward.



So recently we were discussing Miley Cyrus's VMA Chemical Assault on Humanity and the unfortunate role Robin Thicke played.

Singing Stripper Pole

Here's how that conversation went:

Brooke: I feel bad for his wife.
Me: I feel worse for his dad.
Brooke:  Who?
Me: Alan Thicke aka Jason Seaver of Growing Pains,
Brooke: Ummm....Alan Thicke is NOT Robin Thicke's dad. Alan Thicke is gay.
Me: Uhhh....no. He has a wife. They were on Celebrity Wife Swap with Gilbert Godfried and his wife. ( IT IS SO SAD THAT I KNOW THAT!)
Brooke: Why do you know that? Nevermind. I don't want to know. She's obviously a beard. I know I read that he's gay, because Kirk Cameron is super anti-gay and speaks out against Alan Thicke. Google it.
Me:  Okay. (googles it) I win again! IMDB lists Alan as married to the same chick since the 90's and Robin as  his son.
Brooke: Well SOMEONE from Growing Pains is gay, maybe the mom, that's the same.
Me: That is not the same, but I will check.----No, Joanna Kerns is married.
Brooke: To a woman?
Me: NO.
Brooke: Someone from a show like that is gay, I tell you.

After going through the whole cast, we discover it was in fact Meredith Baxter from Family Ties who came out.

Me: I could've told you that. I mean the number of Lifetime Movies she was in would make anyone anti-male.
Brooke: I wouldn't know, I don't watch old Lifetime Movies. Their clothes are old and it ruins the story for me.
Me: Are you being serious? Nevermind. I know you are. The movie poster for the Betty Broderick Movie alone says it all ( which I found and immediately posted to her facebook wall).

It is glorious, is it not?

This conversation went on to google who killed themselves on Family Matters (NO ONE, BROOKE.)

and in the end Brooke simply declared she was right about everything and I need to read more People and Us Weekly. 

But back to that movie poster. Look at it. This might be where my love of terrible movies and crime stems from. My family was more connected with the true story than most viewers, and it was the first of several TV shows/movies about people we knew or grew up with (Mostly E True Hollywood Stories: Andrew Cunanan & Killer Kids (my sister and I knew TWO cases and a total of FOUR people involved on that episode). But Betty was and always will be the first, and I thank Brooke for reminding me how much I need to re-watch it just by questioning who Robin Thicke's father is.

Swabbin' the deck....with stain.

Recently Sam and I took it upon ourselves to stain the new deck before we threw a party on Labor Day ( which naturally ended up being mainly indoors).

 We decide to do it in the middle of the day when the Texas sun is at it's hottest because we are suckers for sweaty labor, and also to avoid Matt saying it wasn't the perfect conditions to do it. True DIYers know...it's never the perfect conditions to do anything. Particularly outside. It ALWAYS might rain, it ALWAYS might be too hot. TEXAS.

Just to remind you, the old deck was this:

And we rebuilt it to be this:

Day One was the railing and one set of stairs so Todd still had access to the yard, and all was going well until the last five minutes when it started to sprinkle. We got it done and rushed inside and hoped for the best. The rain literally did nothing to the finish, so no big issue there.

Day Two was the second set of stairs and actual deck. This time we checked the weather online, because we learn from our previous experiences. Sometimes.

The dark stain accentuates the Jurassic Park-esque railing.
There is a T-rex beyond those wires.

Everyone notice the adult sized Wallace & Gromit Shirt.

Everything was going swimmingly, and we started to plan our exit in to the house so that we wouldn't walk on the stain.  It became a one man operation in the end, and that man was me:

I need to learn to control my facial expressions when cameras are present.

Matt came home just in time to see the finished product:

And pretty much had this reaction:

"I win again, just like always!"
- Matt, whose skin is stain free whilst Sam and I need many showers.

Someday you'll do a  home project, Matt. Someday. ( As he reads this he says" hey I tape off rooms sometimes!"... yes you do honey, yes you do.)

Still needs finishing touches, and more seating, but those updates with come in time....and money.