Saturday, September 14, 2013

Down the Rabbit Hole of Google/Brooke's Brain (Spoiler Alert: Both are Scary)

I should preface this post with the explanation of my friendship with Brooke. Do you have 14 hours? No? Okay.
This pretty much explains it.
 She convinced me to start this blog because spending 2+ hours on the phone with me at a time is just not enough, or for my own good, depending on which of us you ask (Don't ask her, she's wrong...and obsessed with me).  We talk in non-sensical circles, that usually lead to in depth discussions of M&M's (Don't judge, readers, there is SO MUCH to talk about regarding M&M's).
So that is us in the tiniest of nutshells. Onward.

So recently we were discussing Miley Cyrus's VMA Chemical Assault on Humanity and the unfortunate role Robin Thicke played.
Singing Stripper Pole

Here's how that conversation went:

Brooke: I feel bad for his wife.
Me: I feel worse for his dad.
Brooke:  Who?
Me: Alan Thicke aka Jason Seaver of Growing Pains,
Brooke: Ummm....Alan Thicke is NOT Robin Thicke's dad. Alan Thicke is gay.
Me: He has a wife. They were on Celebrity Wife Swap with Gilbert Godfried and his wife. ( IT IS SO SAD THAT I KNOW THAT!)
Brooke: Why do you know that? Nevermind. I don't want to know. She's obviously a beard. I know I read that he's gay, because Kirk Cameron is super anti-gay and speaks out against Alan Thicke. Google it.
Me:  Okay. (googles it) I win again! IMDB lists Alan as married to the same chick since the 90's and Robin as  his son.
Brooke: Well SOMEONE from Growing Pains is gay, maybe the mom, that's the same.
Me: That is not the same, but I will check.----No, Joanna Kerns is married.
Brooke: To a woman?
Me: NO.
Brooke: Someone from a show like that is gay, I tell you.

After going through the whole cast, we discover it was in fact Meredith Baxter from Family Ties who came out.

Me: I could've told you that. I mean the number of Lifetime Movies she was in would make anyone anti-male.
Brooke: I wouldn't know, I don't watch old Lifetime Movies. Their clothes are old and it ruins the story for me.
Me: Are you being serious? Nevermind. I know you are. The movie poster for the Betty Broderick Movie alone says it all ( which I found and immediately posted to her facebook wall).
It is glorious, is it not?

This conversation went on to google who killed themselves on Family Matters (NO ONE, BROOKE.)
and in the end Brooke simply declared she was right about everything and I need to read more People and Us Weekly. 

But back to that movie poster. Look at it. This might be where my love of terrible movies and crime stems from. My family was more connected with the true story than most viewers, and it was the first of several TV shows/movies about people we knew or grew up with (Mostly E True Hollywood Stories: Andrew Cunanan & Killer Kids (my sister and I knew TWO cases and a total of FOUR people involved on that episode). But Betty was and always will be the first, and I thank Brooke for reminding me how much I need to re-watch it just by questioning who Robin Thicke's father is.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Swabbin' the deck....with stain.

Recently Sam and I took it upon ourselves to stain the new deck before we threw a party on Labor Day ( which naturally ended up being mainly indoors).

 We decide to do it in the middle of the day when the Texas sun is at it's hottest because we are suckers for sweaty labor, and also to avoid Matt saying it wasn't the perfect conditions to do it. True DIYers's never the perfect conditions to do anything. Particularly outside. It ALWAYS might rain, it ALWAYS might be too hot. TEXAS.

Just to remind you, the old deck was this:

And we rebuilt it to be this:
Day One was the railing and one set of stairs so Todd still had access to the yard, and all was going well until the last five minutes when it started to sprinkle. We got it done and rushed inside and hoped for the best. The rain literally did nothing to the finish, so no big issue there.

Day Two was the second set of stairs and actual deck. This time we checked the weather online, because we learn from our previous experiences. Sometimes.

The dark stain accentuates the Jurassic Park-esque railing.
There is a T-rex beyond those wires.

Everyone notice the adult sized Wallace & Gromit Shirt.
Everything was going swimmingly, and we started to plan our exit in to the house so that we wouldn't walk on the stain.  It became a one man operation in the end, and that man was me:
I need to learn to control my facial expressions when cameras are present.
Matt came home just in time to see the finished product:
And pretty much had this reaction:
"I win again, just like always!"
- Matt, whose skin is stain free whilst Sam and I need many showers.
Someday you'll do a  home project, Matt. Someday. ( As he reads this he says" hey I tape off rooms sometimes!"... yes you do honey, yes you do.)

Still needs finishing touches, and more seating, but those updates with come in time....and money.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Brew Boys

Matt and Sam have taken over the kitchen this Saturday to brew beer with the hops we scored off Free Craigslist (from a guy whose house smelled of certain "herbs" and his wife was super prego, NOT SHADY AT ALL :/).
This looks bad....but it's hops!
So Sam and Matt are making Honey Grapefruit Ale with a little kit and added stuff.

I helped sanitize.......

..... and then decided a nap was a far better use of my time.

Here are things I heard faintly from the kitchen:

" So yeasty"
"Hey Sam, remember when I opened the package and everything spilled on the floor?"
" We need Roomba..."
"What's this for?"
And lots of  random singing, including internet sensation "Chocolate Rain" and the Oompa Loompa Song from Willy Wonka with new lyrics. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. It is difficult to nap when the whole house smells of yeast and Matt is exclaiming variations of WTF whenever Sam is not standing directly next to him with instructions. I told them to take pictures throughout the process so here are those......

Creepy Brewer Face?

A sight rarely seen...Matt cooking.
"Get outta my kitchen woman!"

This is the part where Roomba was called forth to duty.

Six hours later, what do I have to show for it? A kitchen is disarray, a house that smells like it has a yeast infection, and a growler of booze slowly fermenting in my hall closet. Did you know you could just BUY BEER? ..... and they did:
On the plus side Marie took the mash and made treats for Todd, because she needed to remind him that she is the better mommy in this house. KIDDING, I love her for doing that.  Now at least SOMEONE will get immediate satisfaction from this process, because Lawd Jesus know we won't be tasting that beer anytime soon. Carry on, gentle readers! I'll update this entry when we taste it!

UPDATE: The beer was voted TERRIBLE by everyone. It was renamed Honey Rapefruit Ale, because it violates your taste buds. Just buy beer, guys.